The blessing and the curse of Facebook is that it keeps you connected with people you never see. It’s fair to say without FB you would never talk to some people, but FB and our insatiable desire for positive reinforcement (of which I am also guilty) means everyone knows everything about everyone. Or so they think.
The wonderful aspect of FB comes to life for people like me when we, after suffering a life changing event, connect with others who are going through the same thing. I had never in my life heard of a brachial plexus prior to my accident but now I am connected with thousands of fellow BPI warriors and have learned so much from them already.
The terrible aspect of FB is that people can abandon you in the ‘actual world’ and by throwing you a few likes or comments on FB it makes them feel like they are actually helping or still ‘in touch’. PS you aren’t.
FB also keeps you connected to people you moved away from decades ago. Like old school friends. I left school at 17 and immediately moved out of home and out of the State. I am now 42, that is 25 years ago for the mathematically challenged. I never saw any of my school friends again until a 20 year reunion. But of course because of the reunion we are all now connected on FB. Wonderfully most of those friends have been incredibly supportive and have sent me messages that have warmed my soul as they were so heart felt and thoughtful.
And then some of them only reach out when they want something. They also presume to know everything about me from my weekly posts on FB. FB is a weird world where people study posts and photos and make, often incorrect, assumptions about everyone.
Here’s a tip – FB does not tell you more than 5% about a person as the person is only telling you what they want you to know. Ever seen a terrible photo of me on FB pre injury. No, no you have not. I police photos of me that go on the internet like a father perusing his daughters first boyfriend. Scrutiny for days. Does this mean I always look like that. Fuck no. I never look like that, except in photos. (But you know, the internet, its there forever).
The only people who give you more than 5% are those that give you 105%, I call them blurters, they unleash a tirade daily about stuff no one wants to know and makes everyone uncomfortable. Those people should be blocked swiftly. Or people who post only food pictures. Kill me. Or selfies All. The. Time. Stab my cold corpse.
Or if they have a blog. Bloggers are not to be trusted.😝
So in my humble opinion everyone else is giving away, in their 5%, a one sided view about something – including me. Just because someone is standing in front of a Ferrari doesn’t mean they own it. Just because someone fly’s all over the country doesn’t mean they are wealthy (or filled with radiation – that is a myth). And even if they do own the Ferrari and fly everywhere, what does that really mean? They might be in debt up to their eyeballs, or have a terrible home life, or children on drugs. They are hardly going to post about that. Or maybe they worked their tails off, made sacrifices and deserve that Ferrari.
Sorry to all the Ferrari owners, I promise I make no assumptions (although all the people I do know with Ferrari’s do own them and did deserve them – bad example). 🏎
A friend of mine killed himself almost four years ago yet I thought he was the happiest person and every photo of him, a beaming smile. His family were not surprised, the rest of us were dumbfounded.
And just because I am rabbiting on every day about how fucking awesome Husband is doesn’t mean I don’t want to beat him to a pulp with this iPad 5 minutes after posting about his awesomeness (for leaving his jocks all over the floor for example or for telling me the original draft of this blog was a ‘jumbled’ 😳 – I know right. He is lucky to still have a pulse. After talking about him under my breath for three hours I have edited this post beyond recognition. And if he ever says anything like that again Colin will beat him, of this I am sure).
So the reason for this blog is that recently a person from my past, someone who I have only seen once in 25 years, has reached out to me a number of times when he wanted something from me. That is my take on it anyway.
So without going into too much detail, as I don’t want to identify said annoying fucking person, he recently reached out to me as a fellow someone with a debilitating injury. However his debilitating injury was so incomparable to mine it defies explanation. And his explanation of his issues covered page after excruciating page. Much like my blog, but in a single message.
Now I did offer some advice even though the contact annoyed me. I mean when you have lost a limb you have zero extra emotional energy for anyone except yourself and those in your family, but I gave a little. Then to make matters worse this person has recently commented on a photo of mine, a major milestone if you like, saying a number of very irritating things, again in my humble opinion.
One was he hoped I realised how truly lucky I was. Hmmm, patronising. I have been saying that since day 1 so I think yes, I realise.
And then something about the support and resources available to me being nothing shy of remarkable. Ahhhh how the hell would you know?! I have not told you anything additional to that which everyone else knows. Do you know something I don’t somehow?? I have NFI what resources he is referring to so it’s anyone’s guess. Support I understand but resources, no, I don’t understand. I could not even put this down to crystal ball use as it’s not happening so there would be nothing to see.
Lastly and the kicker in my opinion – wishing me all the best on my journey to ‘normality’. PS I will never be normal but thanks for insulting me by insinuating being disabled is not normal.
I know some of you will think the comments seem ‘fine’ and I am ricocheting back into “I’m a dickhead” territory but the comments are what they are and they have affected me in a certain way like it or not.
So my advice is this, anyone with all their arms and legs should not be telling me how lucky I am. It’s offensive. It’s in the ‘are you fucking kidding me’ category. Everyone has problems, serious ones, but this one is up there on the ‘serious as shit’ scale.
Next time just say “good on you” or something similar.
I had every reason in the world to fall in a heap, but I chose not to. I am blessed in that my family have not murdered me as I am sure I have been very painful at times, but I also went straight back to work, like literally the ink had not dried on my discharge papers and I was back at work, I tried changing nappies and making food for the kids day one, I fed the horses, took out the garbage, I tried everything. Some things took weeks to master, others did not, many things are impossible. But I kept going. And that is why my family support me so much, because I never asked for sympathy or special treatment, but they gave it to me because I never gave up.
I also had no choice. My toddlers do not care I am in pain or armless, they just have needs that must be met either way. And I was not going to stop working and potentially take the roof from over their heads. I would wash cars if I had to, albeit very slowly probably, but whatever it took to keep my family going I would do.
I certainly would not tell someone disabled how lucky they are. Because, as I said, it’s fucking offensive.
And just because I post about a major milestone does not mean I did not fall in a heap the next day, because I did and got kicked in the leg by my own horse for my efforts. That will be a future blog. I wasn’t feeling so lucky or blessed in that moment I can tell you. So please don’t assume to know things based on FB, if you have spent ZERO time with me, like ever, you have no valid say.
So I will keep getting up, keep going, keep trying, moving forward, if I go backwards, I will go again, when I fuck up, I will say sorry, I will try and see the best in every situation.
And yes I am blessed, I have SO much to be thankful for, but the only person who can say that – is me!