OneGoodArm Swear Scale: Um, none. Blasphemy only.
So today I went to see my shoulder surgeon, innocently thinking he would explain to me this very complex and somewhat unknown surgery I am to have this week where they saw into my bone, find my nerve and sew its ass to its face.
I should have learned by now that what I think will happen n e v e r happens! My god woman, start expecting the unexpected because that is what keeps occurring. How retarded can I be?!
So my shoulder surgeon, who thankfully is one of Gods special creatures, started off by telling me that the surgery this week is not going to be what I was told it would be.
Errr what??!! My surgery is in 40 hours!!
Unfortunately, he explained, he has reviewed all of my scans, x-rays and MRIs, he has also spoken to two Professors, my neurosurgeon and two radiologists and all of them agree the plan for this week should be changed.
FFS, my blood pressure is plummeting.
Well this week we want to open up your shoulder and put a camera in there to see exactly what is happening with this suprascapular nerve. We do this via an arthroscopy (or together with). Once we know where the nerve is, or where the two ends are if its severed and where the damage is we can decide IF we should do the major surgery.
WTF! So TWO SURGERIES! This month!
Well maybe. If the damage to the nerve is at the front of the shoulder and the damage is not catastrophic, they will do another major surgery to repair it. IF the nerve is severed or the damage is right at the back of the shoulder very close to the muscle there is no point.
The sobbing then commenced. When, when will something go my way.
So i then just asked why they don’t just cut the damn shoulder open, find the nerve and repair it no matter what.
The final blow was then served.
In order to do that we need to open you up, cut your clavicle in half, carve out a large section of bone, find the nerve, take out more sural nerve (legs), graft the nerve, put back the removed bone, graft that bone, plate and screw your clavicle and close you up.
Jesus. And like a bomb that keeps exploding, there was more.
AND I don’t want to do that when a) we don’t know if the nerve is even able to be repaired and b) the chances of repairing that nerve are very small and c) even if we do repair it the chances of the repair working are very very small.
My makeup is now all over my face and I am crying like a baby. My lovely surgeon is now hugging me.
So you are basically telling me I am not getting my shoulder back. The one thing I really wanted, is not happening.
It’s very unlikely.
Man, I really did not see that coming. I won’t bore you with the crying and devastation that followed. My work child, who hates hugging, actually hugged me when I got back to the office I was so upset and then bought me a Belgian chocolate mocha and I wanted to marry her it was so good. Except she is my work child so that would be weird. My work wife, who loves hugging, was in another state, so I wanted to divorce her through no fault of her own. Very me.
I managed to stay at work after talking to Husband who told me not to panic just yet. I didn’t listen and totally did panic but managed to complete a lot of work anyway.
So now this week will not go as planned, another surgery – well two actually may be looming but if the second one isn’t looming the outlook is even more bleak and involves two very different fusion surgeries.
What exactly does one wish for??
I don’t know.
So until Friday when I know more, OGA devastatingly out.